Walmart Adopts It’s Greeters


Beloved retail giant Walmart is set to start adopting its store greeters. The corporation states, “It wants to give back to its employees, and what better way to give back than to adopt.” The store will provide food, shelter, and clothing to it’s new children as part of the adoption program.

As part of it’s plan, Walmart will be using its retail locations as living quarters for it’s adopted employees. The company states that there is plenty of room behind the packages of paper towels and toilet paper to sleep. The store will set up cots to ensure the new family members are as comfortable as possible.

The company will also feed their new sons and daughters with food that is about to go on clearance. Spokesmen Bruce Spencer said “We love our new children. We want to make sure that we are meeting our parental responsibilities. We plan on making sure they have three square meals a day. They also can snack as much as they want out of the returns and damages.”

The company said as a parent, it will work tirelessly to ensure their children have a bright future. Bruce said, “Just like any parent-child relationship, we have a responsibility to make sure our children are growing to be the best they can be. If a new family member does something that goes against what the papa wants, well a time out will be in order.” When asked to clarify his statement, Bruce said he could not go into details but that he meant business.

The company plans on rolling out the new adoption program as soon as 2023. There are several legal hurdles that the corporation will need to overcome, but the company is confident it can achieve its dream.

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