In recent days Russian President Vladamir Putin has came to the conclusion that World War 3 is not a matter of if, rather a matter of when. Putin is proposing kicking off World War 3 with a thumb war. Putin is keeping his thumb in shape by doing thumb push-ups and working out. Putin wants the thumb war to take place in a neutral territory, like the Middle East. Putin is proposing the day after the US elections, November 9, 2022, as the date for the battle.
Putin has stated that he will not use any thumb tricks, such as spraying blood from his thumb, or even using his teeth. Putin has said that he will only use his thumb to defeat the American president. The winner of the thumb war will be declared the supreme thumb master, also known as the thumb king. The winner will also be able to launch the first nuclear attack.
Putin, who has seen his country fall on hard times due to the war in Ukraine, has vowed that no matter what happens he will beat Biden and if he doesn’t win the war, he will not come home. He has stated that if he loses to Biden then Russia is finished. Putin must either win or die trying. Putin has even gone so far as to say, “What part of do or die do you not understand? I will win this thumb war,” Putin continued, “then I will give the finger to America.”
Putin has also requested that former President George W. Bush take part in the competition, but Bush said that his thumbs are too sore from signing all those executive orders due to him being the dumbest president in U.S. history. Obama was unavailable for comment because he was busy playing golf with David Cameron and Nick Clegg, doing what any free time is best spend doing these days, golfing. Trump was also unavailable for comment because he was sorting through “library books” he forgot to return.
No one knows who will win the competition; Biden or Putin. All that is certain is that it will be brutal, bloody and shocking. The results of the thumb war will be displayed live on CNN and Fox News as an exclusive in-depth report by Wolf Blitzer warning viewers from watching due to extreme violence and graphic content.