California’s Plan To End Wildfires

California Burning

The State of California is changing the game plan on fighting wildfires that have been tormenting the state for decades. In recent days, state officials have decided to not only stop fighting the massive fires, but also burn down the rest of the state. “We have no choice but to burn the rest of California,” said Gov. Jerry Brown. “The fires are coming faster and stronger than we can fight them. my motto is, If we can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” The governor has promised to burn down the entire state within the next 5 years.

The governor went on to describe the reasoning behind his decision to use fire as a tool for land management. “We have been fighting fires and year after year they are getting worse, it’s just time we stop wasting our time and resources,” said Brown. “The best way we can stop these fires from spreading is by burning down the rest of the state so there is nothing left to burn. It’s a simple solution to a complex problem”

Brown also noted that firefighting costs have been increasing at a much faster rate than California’s economy. “We are spending too much money on fighting fires, and not enough money on things like education,” he said. “By burning down the rest of California we will free up billions of dollars for other programs.” Asked if he was worried about the health impacts of breathing in all the smoke, Brown replied, “I don’t know what you are talking about. There is no smoke. What is smoke? I don’t see any smoke.”

The governor’s critics have been quick to point out that his plan will only make matters worse. “This is a terrible idea,” said Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA), “Burning down California will not stop the fires from coming, it will only make them worse.” Sen. Boxer also noted that the plan will not be effective in reducing firefighting costs. “Once you burn down California, you have to start fighting fires in other states,” said Boxer. “It’s a never ending cycle.”

Gov. Brown expects to start burning down the rest of California in the height of next years wildfire season.

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